The tacky of the perfect weddings

Lola sampedro



This pandemic has at least given us something good, people do not get married. Almost no one wants a wedding in which the restrictions are more important than the bride and groom and I am in awe of that. It really should be the opposite, take advantage of this moment to get married without having to invite anyone with the unbeatable excuse of the coronavirus. Let me frivolize on the subject, but it is that it is summer and it is hot.

When you are over 40, you stop going to weddings. That stage where you have four or five every summer catches you in your thirties, then people stop marrying and start separating. The good thing about divorces is that they don’t send you an invitation with the bank account. That is something really strange, with how expensive lawyers are, those affected should make a collection of euros that at least alleviate the finances of those broken hearts.

Weddings today are the cheesiest time of our lives. Everything as unbearably pretty as decaf. Originality is sought so much that in the end they are all the same; the same carts of jelly beans, the same garlands and lights of verbena. The photocalls, my dear the photocalls. The little placards with the names of the guests written in calligraphy as exquisite as it is vulgar. Everything is so supposedly cute, so instagrammable, that they have made cute is tacky. And the tacky, modern.

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I prefer old weddings, those in which the groom’s tie and the bride’s garter were cut. Singular weddings, with everything ugly and a lot of improvisation. Now nobody leaves anything to chance everything is so measured that you want to yawn. They are an authentic engineering of the little detail, infantilized celebrations. The only difference between a wedding and a children’s birthday is that your feet hurt at weddings.

In those ugly weddings Paquito the Chocolatero sounded and on the floor there was carpet or artificial grass. The guests dressed worse than the bride and groom, but nobody was the same. Now they are clones in photocopied suits and dresses. There is an annual cute wedding and the perfect guest has to be handsome.

All handsome, the height of good taste, and the soundtrack of the body has a list on Spotify. Yesterday they told me that some have their own hashtag on social media And I thought I didn’t need to have that information, knowing it left my spirit and I lost years of life. Luckily no one is getting married now. Luckily it’s summer and it’s hot.

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