Have you ever wondered what would happen if, instead of yelling at your child, you said things calmly and even lovingly? The video of The Lives of Mario (Shire), shows how in the life of a child, the attitude of a parent can change everything. In fact, as explained by the psychologist Úrsula Perona, author of «Hijos de Alta Demanda» (Toromítico), «if you yell a lot at your children, if you lose your papers, if you don’t like how you talk to them … It has more to do with you than with them. The good news is that realizing and becoming aware of this is the first step in working on those aspects that are causing situations like the ones seen in this video.
It is true that Mario, the protagonist, is diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)But the message, Perona warns, “is universal and applies to all parents.” In fact, he continues, “if we were aware of the power that words have over our children, and the wounds we can inflict on them, we would do our best to change this language. Many childhood traumas and injuries have to do with those words, with those gestures, with that message that was behind it ».
However, he assures, “when you speak beautifully to your child, when you are patient, when you give him time, or the explanations or help he needs to do something, you are sowing self-confidence. You are sending him the message that he is valuable, that you are proud, and that you trust his potential and his path. Thus, «words – concludes this expert – can be friends or foes. They can empower or cause injury. They can convey love, acceptance, comfort, trust … or just the opposite.
But why do we yell at those we love the most? Perona points out that “parents often experience stressful and conflictive situations with our children and we express the frustration we feel, fatigue or anger through aggressive communication, with disqualifying, insults, or perhaps veiled hurtful words. Sarcasm, for example, can do as much damage or more than a direct disqualification.
Raising a child with an easy temperament is not easy. But if we also talk about children with some handicap (ADHD, conduct disorders …) or in the adolescent stage, things become much more complex. In addition, this therapist points out, there are some factors that do not help to maintain a healthy dialogue with our children:
Family stress. High levels of stress make us irritable and reactive. We react worse and have less self-control.
Tiredness. Reconciling is not easy and our lifestyle does not help.
Lack of knowledge of the stages of development and their characteristics. Sometimes we demand more than our child can give us at the time.
Personalize. Incorrect attributions do a lot of damage: if you think that your child’s behavior has to do with you and you live it as something personal, you will live it from the injury and you will respond with anger.
The projections. What makes you mad or mad at your child may have more to do with you than it does. Observe that it stirs in you.