Every time I meet my ex it makes me want to hug him. I was not aware of that impulse of mine until Ayuso said that Madrid is the perfect city to change partners and never meet the previous one again. As if the simple fact of not seeing her could erase all the memories, all the history together. Between memory and oblivion, I choose the former. In the memory, when it is clean of all resentment, I always find a part of myself.
Of course there are terrible stories that they prefer to forget, when there is abuse and poison. I am not referring to those, it is obvious that I am talking about people who shared their lives for a time, loved each other with all their strengths and weaknesses, until love ended or simply stopped being enough. After a separation, you usually go through the phase of anger, you get angry with the other and it is true that you do not want to see it even in paint. You demystify it to the point of reducing it to a caricature, you fatten it with imperfections that it does not even have, because that softens the duel. Once that stage is over, When the anger has disappeared, the memory and the love for who for a time was so important to you remains.
I like to meet my ex. I am lucky to live in a city where that is possible from time to time and without waiting for it. I walk down the street or have a coffee and suddenly I see him and I think, how good that he is still handsome, he seems happy. And I’m happy for him and I stop that hug that my heart always asks for. It is very difficult to stop loving who you loved so much.
I like to meet him even though we are no longer friends. When a couple breaks up, the two of you are already different people, so different that there is hardly anything in common. Getting along, leaving deep affection, has nothing to do with friendship. I know people who do manage to continue in the life of the other in that way, as friends. There are studies on this, such as one published by Oakland University in 2017, somewhat cruel, which affirm that people who need to maintain a fraternal relationship with their ex-partners are narcissists, people with “dark personalities.” They insist on being friends because, they explain, they hate making mistakes and will do everything possible to keep the other in their life as long as they do not admit a mistake.
More reasons not to be friends with your ex: Another study from 2011, from the University of San Luis, states that friendship between ex is more fragile. We are less tolerant, they count, and less empathetic with those of us who were partners. In short, we do not care more. Because one thing is to be happy when you meet him and another, to endure his joys and his sorrows. Or worse, that he has to put up with yours.